DOUBT

This post was written for Five Minute Friday

Word prompt--DOUBT

Five minutes to free write about it

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This week's prompt is most timely. As is Rishie's post, Reflecting on Doubt (FMF #2), in which she wrote a simple, but beautiful poem that depicts the struggle I've been going through in a way I was unable to find the right words to express myself.

Why I have these doubts, I do not know. No matter my challenges, no matter the hurts, God has always had my back. He has always been faithful and trustworthy. The one person I could always depend on, and who has never ever let me down. So why do I doubt?

Our church starts every year with 21 days of prayer and fasting. This year the theme is "Our Father." Each week focuses on a different aspect of our relationship with our heavenly Father. This week's was on hearing God's voice. 

After listening to one of the live daily devotionals, I felt led to take the book, Experiencing God, out of my bookshelf and go through it again. It's a study I've done many times in the past and, to be honest, I really didn't want to do it again, but then, reluctantly, I obeyed.

In a nutshell, for anyone not familiar with the course, it's about how God is always at work around us and He invites us to become involved with Him in His work. But rather than tell us what He wants us to do and have us go off and do it ourselves, He wants us to have an intimate, personal relationship with Him and allow Him to mold us and shape us into instruments of His choosing so He can accomplish His work through us. Then, as we obey Him and see how He accomplishes His work through us, we come to know Him and experience Him in an even deeper and more meaningful way.

The section I was reading today said that when God is about to do something through you, He has to get you from where you are to where He is,  Flipping through an old notebook I found in the book, it was most discouraging to note that the two major things in my life that I knew could not be accomplished unless God intervened back then in 2014, were the same two issues that I'm dealing with today. 

That led to many more doubts as I pondered why nothing had changed, and what, if anything, God was preparing me for, and why He wanted me to do this study yet again. But then God's ways are not our ways, and His timing is not our time. Like it says in Psalm 90:4, to God a thousand years are as a passing day or as a few night hours would be to us. 

Finally, I'm not sure what this has to do with anything, but maybe this Scripture that's been running through my head is God trying to tell me something?  But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly and despised things of the world and the things that are not, to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast in His presence. (1 Corinthians 1:27-29, BSB).'