This is a plug for A Time to Mourn..., a post on my daughter's blog that spoke straight to my heart. Although you will probably never see it on Blogger's list of Blogs of Note, it would definitely be on mine (if I were to compile such a list).
Now you may be thinking that I'm just another one of those prejudiced moms who like to brag about their kids, but please don't let that turn you off. I hope you will read the entry and decide for yourself. It may just speak to your heart too.
4/29/07
4/22/07
SMASHING AN IDOL
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not
do, but what I hate I do." (Romans 7:15)
It took me months to lose eight pounds, but only a few days to gain back two. I am without excuse. I have always loved to eat, and much as I hate to admit it, food has become an idol in my life. I run to it for comfort, when I am faced with a task I would rather put off, and in many other instances that have nothing to do with physical hunger. Much as I desire to put an end to this pattern, my short sucesses seem always to end in major falls. For instance, the chicken skin incident.
Motivated by a strong desire to be able to fit into my jeans once again, and by threats from the doc to put me on medication if I didn't do something drastic to lower my cholesterol, I started Weight Watchers. I also started a Bible study on transfering my focus from food to God. Not a diet per se, but rather an adventure in eating the way God intended for me to eat that would set me free from the stronghold food had gained in my life.
For three months I did pretty well--almost four months, actually--but then I started getting cocky. Far from my mind was the warning that pride comes before a fall, and as the day for my bloodwork drew near, Harris Teeter announced a special sale on rotisserie chickens. Three dollars off--and only one to a customer. Now that was a sale too good to pass by.
I hadn't had a rotisserie chicken in months, and visions of one turning slowly on the spit started to invade my mind. I could see the skin--my favorite part--turning golden brown. I could almost smell and taste it too. Where in the beginning I had found many excuses to try and delay revisiting the doc, now it couldn't happen soon enough.
The day of my appointment, I was like an addict craving a fix. I rushed straight from the doctor's office to Harris Teeter and bought myself a freshly rotisseried chicken, still pipng hot. Then another mad rush home and into my kitchen, where I couldn't get the skin off that bird and into my mouth fast enough.
After that, my conscience must have gotten seared or something, because the next couple of days remain a blur of delicacies downed without so much as an iota of remorse. Only when I stepped on the scale and saw the numbers creeping up again was I finally shocked to my senses. What had I been thinking?
Frustrated and annoyed at allowing temptation to gain the upper hand once again, I picked myself up and pushed my restart button, and in that instant I was overcome by floods of gratitude towards a loving God who is merciful and longsuffering, who never gives up on me--even when I feel like giving up on myself--and who gently reminds me that I may not be where I want to be, but I'm not where I was either.
do, but what I hate I do." (Romans 7:15)
It took me months to lose eight pounds, but only a few days to gain back two. I am without excuse. I have always loved to eat, and much as I hate to admit it, food has become an idol in my life. I run to it for comfort, when I am faced with a task I would rather put off, and in many other instances that have nothing to do with physical hunger. Much as I desire to put an end to this pattern, my short sucesses seem always to end in major falls. For instance, the chicken skin incident.
Motivated by a strong desire to be able to fit into my jeans once again, and by threats from the doc to put me on medication if I didn't do something drastic to lower my cholesterol, I started Weight Watchers. I also started a Bible study on transfering my focus from food to God. Not a diet per se, but rather an adventure in eating the way God intended for me to eat that would set me free from the stronghold food had gained in my life.
For three months I did pretty well--almost four months, actually--but then I started getting cocky. Far from my mind was the warning that pride comes before a fall, and as the day for my bloodwork drew near, Harris Teeter announced a special sale on rotisserie chickens. Three dollars off--and only one to a customer. Now that was a sale too good to pass by.
I hadn't had a rotisserie chicken in months, and visions of one turning slowly on the spit started to invade my mind. I could see the skin--my favorite part--turning golden brown. I could almost smell and taste it too. Where in the beginning I had found many excuses to try and delay revisiting the doc, now it couldn't happen soon enough.
The day of my appointment, I was like an addict craving a fix. I rushed straight from the doctor's office to Harris Teeter and bought myself a freshly rotisseried chicken, still pipng hot. Then another mad rush home and into my kitchen, where I couldn't get the skin off that bird and into my mouth fast enough.
After that, my conscience must have gotten seared or something, because the next couple of days remain a blur of delicacies downed without so much as an iota of remorse. Only when I stepped on the scale and saw the numbers creeping up again was I finally shocked to my senses. What had I been thinking?
Frustrated and annoyed at allowing temptation to gain the upper hand once again, I picked myself up and pushed my restart button, and in that instant I was overcome by floods of gratitude towards a loving God who is merciful and longsuffering, who never gives up on me--even when I feel like giving up on myself--and who gently reminds me that I may not be where I want to be, but I'm not where I was either.
4/17/07
LATE, NOT GONE
"...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in
the morning." (Psalm 30:5b)
What a difference a day can make!
Yesterday was blustery and dreary, but today the sun is shining, and the wind has died down. As I drive to Herndon, I am greeted by an unexpected sight. The buds of the redbuds have not blown away. They are just off to a late start because of the unseasonably cold weather we've been having. Blooming trees line the highway. I will not have to miss their beauty after all!
the morning." (Psalm 30:5b)
What a difference a day can make!
Yesterday was blustery and dreary, but today the sun is shining, and the wind has died down. As I drive to Herndon, I am greeted by an unexpected sight. The buds of the redbuds have not blown away. They are just off to a late start because of the unseasonably cold weather we've been having. Blooming trees line the highway. I will not have to miss their beauty after all!
4/16/07
I DON'T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE
I'm looking out my window at the trees being mercilessly whipped by the 60 mph wind gusts, and feeling as gray as the sky. I mourn my favorite redbuds that have hardly had a chance to flower this spring. All year I look forward to those purple blosoms, and now the buds have surely been blown off the trees way before their time. Haven't I experienced enough unexpected twists and turns to my life? Are not even the seasons to be predictable anymore?
I think of how hard it has been to make friends in Leesburg. Acquaintances abound, but their life is so hectic, so overextended, so overcommitted, that reaching out has not met with much success at all. The three friends that I did make, and who have been an important part of my life, are in the process of moving away. I feel happy for them, but at the same time pained at the impending loss.
One friend was a walking partner. We would meet on a certain corner and then walk around the outlet mall together--about a mile and a half for me, two miles for her--and exercise our bodies, while baring our souls. We laughed together, and cried together, and would sometimes become so engrossed in conversation that I would continue on with her to her house, making my walk home even longer.
These days I walk alone. It is not the same. There is a deep void in my heart.
I do not want to say goodbye!
I think of how hard it has been to make friends in Leesburg. Acquaintances abound, but their life is so hectic, so overextended, so overcommitted, that reaching out has not met with much success at all. The three friends that I did make, and who have been an important part of my life, are in the process of moving away. I feel happy for them, but at the same time pained at the impending loss.
One friend was a walking partner. We would meet on a certain corner and then walk around the outlet mall together--about a mile and a half for me, two miles for her--and exercise our bodies, while baring our souls. We laughed together, and cried together, and would sometimes become so engrossed in conversation that I would continue on with her to her house, making my walk home even longer.
These days I walk alone. It is not the same. There is a deep void in my heart.
I do not want to say goodbye!
4/6/07
TRADER JOE TRIPLE GINGER SNAP COOKIES - PART II
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God
is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But
when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can
stand up under it." (1 Corinthians 10:13)
Hadn't I agreed with myself that I can't have these cookies in the house? Didn't I promise myself before walking out the door that I would not buy any when I shopped at Trader Joes's today? Then why, when I got there, did I immediately think of the upcoming Women's Fellowship meeting, and that we had been asked to bring along something sweet or salty? And why, with all the other choices of things I could buy, did I convince myself that a tub of Trader Joe's Triple Ginger Snap cookies was the only thing that would fit the bill? Did that sneaky little thought lurking in the back of my mind that I would just have to take any leftovers home with me, heh! heh!, have anything to do with it?
Well guess what. The cookies weren't where they were supposed to be. I hunted high and low. I even called over one of the stockers and asked her if she knew where they were, or if she just hadn't put them out on the shelf yet. Imagine my surprise when she apologized profusely and informed me they were all out.
Hmm!
is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But
when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can
stand up under it." (1 Corinthians 10:13)
Hadn't I agreed with myself that I can't have these cookies in the house? Didn't I promise myself before walking out the door that I would not buy any when I shopped at Trader Joes's today? Then why, when I got there, did I immediately think of the upcoming Women's Fellowship meeting, and that we had been asked to bring along something sweet or salty? And why, with all the other choices of things I could buy, did I convince myself that a tub of Trader Joe's Triple Ginger Snap cookies was the only thing that would fit the bill? Did that sneaky little thought lurking in the back of my mind that I would just have to take any leftovers home with me, heh! heh!, have anything to do with it?
Well guess what. The cookies weren't where they were supposed to be. I hunted high and low. I even called over one of the stockers and asked her if she knew where they were, or if she just hadn't put them out on the shelf yet. Imagine my surprise when she apologized profusely and informed me they were all out.
Hmm!
4/3/07
THE VIEW FROM MY WINDOW
"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans
to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope
and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
Well, the blasting has started. Actually, it started two weeks ago, but I seem to have missed most of it so far. A couple of times I thought I heard something very muted. The other times, I must have been out running errands or something. Yesterday I went for a walk, and arrived home just in time to see the tell-tale post-blast smoke cloud.
Nevertheless, the view from my living room window remains picture perfect. Dogwoods in full bloom, my favorite redbuds budding, and a clear, blue sky. Of course this sets the old brain rambling again, as I think how blessed I am that the new construction ends to the right of my building, just as the old construction ended to the left, and my view remains unobstructed.
I think back to how disappointed I was some 11 years ago, when I moved in here. The apartment I wanted faced the woods, and I looked forward to enjoying tranquil views of deer and sunsets when I came home from work. By the time I was able to scrape my security deposit together though, that unit was no longer available. Nor were any others on that side of the courtyard.
Reluctantly I moved into the only available dwelling, which to my dismay, had a whole different exposure. Now my view was of a dirt road, and a horse farm fenced off from the road by a line of tall trees--a different type of serenity altogether. What I didn't know was that the Lord, who sees the whole picture and knows the beginning from the end, was surely looking out for me when in His infinite wisdom He steered me to my present apartment rather than allowing me the one my heart was set on.
Less than a year later, the woods had disappeared, and construction was started on an outlet mall. The tenants in the apartment I coveted lived through many months of dust and blasts, and when the mall was finally completed, their original view had been replaced by cement walls, and the back of a parking lot. I, on the other hand, was still enjoying my view of horses romping in the field, deer congregating at dusk, and even an occasional fox making a quick run-through.
Then came the time when my view was altered too, though not as drastically as I at first feared it would be. It all started the day I drove home from work and was greeted by the sight of those stately trees that had that very morning stood sentry around the perimeter of the farm, now lying in clumps by the side of the road. The horses were gone too. I was informed that the horse farm had been sold, and new construction to erect a Home Depot and Food Lion was about to begin.
This neighborhood has undergone many changes since then. The dirt road has long gone, and been replaced by a four-lane paved one, but the contsruction, both old and in process, has stopped short of blocking the serenity of my view. I still see green grass, and have been able to follow the progress of several rows of saplings planted in the middle of the field, as they matured and grew tall. And most of all, I am filled with a sense of wonder and gratitude towards a God who loves me so much He would concern Himself with such minute details of my life as the view from my window. Truly He is worthy of all my trust.
to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope
and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
Well, the blasting has started. Actually, it started two weeks ago, but I seem to have missed most of it so far. A couple of times I thought I heard something very muted. The other times, I must have been out running errands or something. Yesterday I went for a walk, and arrived home just in time to see the tell-tale post-blast smoke cloud.
Nevertheless, the view from my living room window remains picture perfect. Dogwoods in full bloom, my favorite redbuds budding, and a clear, blue sky. Of course this sets the old brain rambling again, as I think how blessed I am that the new construction ends to the right of my building, just as the old construction ended to the left, and my view remains unobstructed.
I think back to how disappointed I was some 11 years ago, when I moved in here. The apartment I wanted faced the woods, and I looked forward to enjoying tranquil views of deer and sunsets when I came home from work. By the time I was able to scrape my security deposit together though, that unit was no longer available. Nor were any others on that side of the courtyard.
Reluctantly I moved into the only available dwelling, which to my dismay, had a whole different exposure. Now my view was of a dirt road, and a horse farm fenced off from the road by a line of tall trees--a different type of serenity altogether. What I didn't know was that the Lord, who sees the whole picture and knows the beginning from the end, was surely looking out for me when in His infinite wisdom He steered me to my present apartment rather than allowing me the one my heart was set on.
Less than a year later, the woods had disappeared, and construction was started on an outlet mall. The tenants in the apartment I coveted lived through many months of dust and blasts, and when the mall was finally completed, their original view had been replaced by cement walls, and the back of a parking lot. I, on the other hand, was still enjoying my view of horses romping in the field, deer congregating at dusk, and even an occasional fox making a quick run-through.
Then came the time when my view was altered too, though not as drastically as I at first feared it would be. It all started the day I drove home from work and was greeted by the sight of those stately trees that had that very morning stood sentry around the perimeter of the farm, now lying in clumps by the side of the road. The horses were gone too. I was informed that the horse farm had been sold, and new construction to erect a Home Depot and Food Lion was about to begin.
This neighborhood has undergone many changes since then. The dirt road has long gone, and been replaced by a four-lane paved one, but the contsruction, both old and in process, has stopped short of blocking the serenity of my view. I still see green grass, and have been able to follow the progress of several rows of saplings planted in the middle of the field, as they matured and grew tall. And most of all, I am filled with a sense of wonder and gratitude towards a God who loves me so much He would concern Himself with such minute details of my life as the view from my window. Truly He is worthy of all my trust.
3/22/07
SEVEN BLESSINGS
"Do not let your hearts be troubled.
Trust in God; trust also in me." (John 14:1)
As I read this verse, my thoughts travel back to the day in August, 1975, when I became a young widow with two children ages 9 and 7. My heart was troubled about many things such as how I would raise two children on my own. I was more than unprepared. I was clueless.
An only child myself, and a very sheltered one at that, I was totally unequipped to face the world on my own--let alone be a single parent. I had relied heavily on my husband where the children were concerned, and never in a million years would I have even considered the possibilty of having to shoulder this responsibility alone.
I had always envisioned my husband and I growing old together, walking down the street hand in hand, and with a very close knit family that enjoyed doing things together and was bonded in love. Beautiful fantasy, but shattered dream!
Then another worry started brewing. What would happen to my children if something happened to me? What if I never got to see them grow up? What if? What if? Vain imaginings grew quickly until they loomed large and loud in my mind. Those were the days before I came to know the Lord, and there was no Word to comfort, guide, or encourage me.
Somehow we muddled through, and though I was far from an ideal mom, I did the best I knew how with what I had. Emotionally speaking, it wasn't much. As I look back, I can see how disfunctional I was, and have many, many regrets about things I did and didn't do. I loved my children with all my heart, but I was so easily frustrated and overwhelmed I don't think it ever came through. If anything, I believe I caused them a great deal of unintended pain. Oh but that I could turn back the clock and make it right. But then again, if the clock were turned back, I would still be who I was, and not who I am today.
By the grace of God, and despite my parental shortcomings, my children have blossomed and matured into responsible adults, and I am immensely grateful that they are not repeating the patterns or mistakes I made in their own parenting efforts. It also makes me happy to see them live out some of the dreams I once dreamed for myself.
Mostly I am grateful to a loving God who not only allowed me to witness my own children grow up, but allowed me to see two of my six grandchildren grow up as well. And lest you are now wondering what this all has to do with seven blessings, six of them are my wonderful grandchildren who are the joy of my life. And the seventh, is my little great-grandson who has elevated me to the status of great-granny.
Since I haven't been able to decide whether I'm more blessed to be a grandma or a great-granny, I have decided to blog myself as Great-Granny Grandma. That covers it all!
Trust in God; trust also in me." (John 14:1)
As I read this verse, my thoughts travel back to the day in August, 1975, when I became a young widow with two children ages 9 and 7. My heart was troubled about many things such as how I would raise two children on my own. I was more than unprepared. I was clueless.
An only child myself, and a very sheltered one at that, I was totally unequipped to face the world on my own--let alone be a single parent. I had relied heavily on my husband where the children were concerned, and never in a million years would I have even considered the possibilty of having to shoulder this responsibility alone.
I had always envisioned my husband and I growing old together, walking down the street hand in hand, and with a very close knit family that enjoyed doing things together and was bonded in love. Beautiful fantasy, but shattered dream!
Then another worry started brewing. What would happen to my children if something happened to me? What if I never got to see them grow up? What if? What if? Vain imaginings grew quickly until they loomed large and loud in my mind. Those were the days before I came to know the Lord, and there was no Word to comfort, guide, or encourage me.
Somehow we muddled through, and though I was far from an ideal mom, I did the best I knew how with what I had. Emotionally speaking, it wasn't much. As I look back, I can see how disfunctional I was, and have many, many regrets about things I did and didn't do. I loved my children with all my heart, but I was so easily frustrated and overwhelmed I don't think it ever came through. If anything, I believe I caused them a great deal of unintended pain. Oh but that I could turn back the clock and make it right. But then again, if the clock were turned back, I would still be who I was, and not who I am today.
By the grace of God, and despite my parental shortcomings, my children have blossomed and matured into responsible adults, and I am immensely grateful that they are not repeating the patterns or mistakes I made in their own parenting efforts. It also makes me happy to see them live out some of the dreams I once dreamed for myself.
Mostly I am grateful to a loving God who not only allowed me to witness my own children grow up, but allowed me to see two of my six grandchildren grow up as well. And lest you are now wondering what this all has to do with seven blessings, six of them are my wonderful grandchildren who are the joy of my life. And the seventh, is my little great-grandson who has elevated me to the status of great-granny.
Since I haven't been able to decide whether I'm more blessed to be a grandma or a great-granny, I have decided to blog myself as Great-Granny Grandma. That covers it all!
3/21/07
TRADER JOE TRIPLE GINGER SNAP COOKIES
"I do not understand what I do. ...For what I do is not the
good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I
keep on doing." (Romans 7:15,19)
Frustration at not being able to set up this blog page to look the way I want it to has led me to open up the tightly sealed tub of Trader Joe Triple Ginger Snap cookies made with fresh crystallized ginger that I had bought for my daughter Joanne to try, and "hidden" away until I see her. Bad move! I knew that Trader Joe Triple Ginger Snaps is not something I should have in my house, but I thought that putting them out of sight would keep me from eating any. Ha! That tub of cookies is now 12 lighter. I hope I get to see Joanne soon.
This takes my thoughts way back to a Christmas eons ago when I lived in Jackson Heights and had a good friend, "British" Margaret, who loved those huge, oversized Cadbury chocolate bars with the fruit and nuts, and the caramel, and I don't even remember what all else. That Christmas I decided that the perfect gift for her would be one of each kind. I think there were six varieties, which I purchased, wrapped ever so carefully, and put under the Christmas tree.
Now there were two problems I hadn't considered, and which proved to be my undoing. Number one, I also loved those huge, oversized Cadbury bars, AND, Margaret didn't show up the day before Christmas to pick up her gift as planned.
Christmas came and went, and after a few days of seeing that carefully wrapped gift all alone under the tree, I couldn't take it any longer. It seemed to be calling my name, and after a brief struggle with my conscience, gluttony got the best of me. Carefully I unwrapped the gift, slid out one Cadbury, and rewrapped the other five. She will never be the wiser, I rationalized. Still Margaret did not come, and I wound up repeating this shameful process five more times.
When my good friend Margaret finally dropped by, I had no gift to give her. How embarrassing! Fortunately she was a real sport about it, and we ended up having a good hearty chuckle. Hope this doesn't turn out to be deja vu where Joanne's cookies are concerned.
good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I
keep on doing." (Romans 7:15,19)
Frustration at not being able to set up this blog page to look the way I want it to has led me to open up the tightly sealed tub of Trader Joe Triple Ginger Snap cookies made with fresh crystallized ginger that I had bought for my daughter Joanne to try, and "hidden" away until I see her. Bad move! I knew that Trader Joe Triple Ginger Snaps is not something I should have in my house, but I thought that putting them out of sight would keep me from eating any. Ha! That tub of cookies is now 12 lighter. I hope I get to see Joanne soon.
This takes my thoughts way back to a Christmas eons ago when I lived in Jackson Heights and had a good friend, "British" Margaret, who loved those huge, oversized Cadbury chocolate bars with the fruit and nuts, and the caramel, and I don't even remember what all else. That Christmas I decided that the perfect gift for her would be one of each kind. I think there were six varieties, which I purchased, wrapped ever so carefully, and put under the Christmas tree.
Now there were two problems I hadn't considered, and which proved to be my undoing. Number one, I also loved those huge, oversized Cadbury bars, AND, Margaret didn't show up the day before Christmas to pick up her gift as planned.
Christmas came and went, and after a few days of seeing that carefully wrapped gift all alone under the tree, I couldn't take it any longer. It seemed to be calling my name, and after a brief struggle with my conscience, gluttony got the best of me. Carefully I unwrapped the gift, slid out one Cadbury, and rewrapped the other five. She will never be the wiser, I rationalized. Still Margaret did not come, and I wound up repeating this shameful process five more times.
When my good friend Margaret finally dropped by, I had no gift to give her. How embarrassing! Fortunately she was a real sport about it, and we ended up having a good hearty chuckle. Hope this doesn't turn out to be deja vu where Joanne's cookies are concerned.
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