DEAL

This post was written for Five Minute Friday

Word prompt--DEAL

Five minutes to free-write about it

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This was one of the views from my window for almost three weeks. Three weeks on an IV with no food or drink. 

It's funny how hard it has always been for me to lose weight, and how quickly I managed to lose 8 lbs. Now, instead of stepping on the scale in the morning to see if I have (hopefully) lost sometihng, I'm stepping on to see if I've managed to gain anything back. But I digress. 

One morning I woke up fine. By the end of the day, I was not. 

Since then, it's been a challenging time of unexpected ups and downs, ever changing plans and schedules, encouraging news and news that's not so encouraging, having every single available vein poked so many times they had trouble finding new ones--even with the help of an ultrasound (and I am a big wimp with zero pain tolerance and needle phobia). 

Throughout it all, what's kept me going is reminding myself that Jesus, my good shepherd, is right there with me, holding my hand, sometimes even carrying me. It's also reminding myself that even when I don't understand--and more so then than ever--I need to trust that God is in control, that He sees the end from the beginning, and that His plan and timing are always the best. Sometimes He reminds me of it too, such as in the form of a miracle. 

Like being on my way to surgery for removal of a small bowel obstruction and having one more X-ray before a nurse--very aptly named Rejoice--came to prep me for Pre-Op, but the surgery got cancelled.

The X-ray revealed there was no longer any obstruction and the surgery was no longer needed. The thoracic surgeon who was going to collaborate in the surgery and repair my hiatal hernia at the same time opted to postpone the repair until June to give me a chance to go home and regain some strength, and then, hopefully, he would be able to do the repair in a less invasive and more effective way.

However, the deal is this. One miracle does not necessarily mean assuming a second one will follow. It may or may not, but should not be taken for granted.  

The deal is that peace comes from putting my trust in God--no matter what--and seeking His face rather than His hand. It's looking at life's challenges as opportunities to acknowledge my neediness,  rely more fully on Him, and increase my intimacy with Him as my dependence deepens.  

I loved the words of a Sing Devotional I was listening to the day I was discharged (which unfortunately did not have a link I could link it to or even go back and listen to it again to get the name of the man who was leading it), but in essence, he likened pain as going from an open wound to a tender scab, and eventually to an empowering star. 

The worst of times, in retrospect, he went on to say, is often the best of times even if it doesn't feel like it at the time, because it's during those times when God is able to change our hearts and teach us the deepest lessons, and we learn to rely on Him instead of on ourselves.

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Hiatal hernia repair surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, June 2nd. Will keep you posted.