1/17/08

SINGING THE BLUES

"...you created my inmost being; you knit me
together in my mother's womb. ... I am fearfully
and wonderfully made; ... All the days ordained
for me were written in your book before one of
them came to be."
(Psalm 139:13-16)

A few days ago I received an e-mail from a friend, thanking me for a forward I had sent that had brightened her day, and telling me I had missed my vocation because I always have "something nice up your [my] sleeve to send, just at the right time to uplift a day!"

Well, lately I have been feeling somewhat down on myself, and her e-mail made me smile, but soon I was back to singing the blues and feeling how right she was about my having missed my vocation--and my talents, and my education, and my life, as well.

It seems like I started out with so much and wasted it all, and now there is nothing to show for it--except my two children, who I love with all my heart, and who seem to have made something of their lives despite my poor parenting, and who have blessed me with six beautiful grandchildren between them.

Then I thought of the post on my friend Kate's blog, and it brought tears to my eyes, as did my daughter's comment in response to it, and I wondered if either one of them realize how very, very blessed they are. What I would give to be able to turn back the clock and relive those early parenting days when I was a single mom with a fierce sense of the importance of "my" time, with no Word to guide me, and too selfish and overwhelmed to put my love in action the way they do with their kids.

The tragedy of a wasted life! But then has it been? Had I pursued my talents and education to their fullest, would I ever have felt a need for the Lord or for His saving grace? Would I be chasing after the things the world has to offer, instead of the things that have eternal value? Would I have missed God's gift of salvation instead of my vocation, a greater tragedy by far?

The past is gone, and the clock can never be turned back, and maybe it's time for a new song, a song of gratitude that "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7b)

2 comments:

jewlsntexas said...

I know that what sometimes feels like regret is the enemy trying to give us faint hearts. We all have regret - but we can't live there. You are right - what if you did it all right and missed the chance at knowing HIM. Never look back at those things with regret - but as bittersweet memories on the path.
Be lifted up my friend. You are in my prayers.

Big Red Driver said...

Whatever you did as a mom, sure produced a wonderful daughter!