3/22/07

SEVEN BLESSINGS

"Do not let your hearts be troubled.
Trust in God; trust also in me." (John 14:1)

As I read this verse, my thoughts travel back to the day in August, 1975, when I became a young widow with two children ages 9 and 7. My heart was troubled about many things such as how I would raise two children on my own. I was more than unprepared. I was clueless.

An only child myself, and a very sheltered one at that, I was totally unequipped to face the world on my own--let alone be a single parent. I had relied heavily on my husband where the children were concerned, and never in a million years would I have even considered the possibilty of having to shoulder this responsibility alone.

I had always envisioned my husband and I growing old together, walking down the street hand in hand, and with a very close knit family that enjoyed doing things together and was bonded in love. Beautiful fantasy, but shattered dream!

Then another worry started brewing. What would happen to my children if something happened to me? What if I never got to see them grow up? What if? What if? Vain imaginings grew quickly until they loomed large and loud in my mind. Those were the days before I came to know the Lord, and there was no Word to comfort, guide, or encourage me.

Somehow we muddled through, and though I was far from an ideal mom, I did the best I knew how with what I had. Emotionally speaking, it wasn't much. As I look back, I can see how disfunctional I was, and have many, many regrets about things I did and didn't do. I loved my children with all my heart, but I was so easily frustrated and overwhelmed I don't think it ever came through. If anything, I believe I caused them a great deal of unintended pain. Oh but that I could turn back the clock and make it right. But then again, if the clock were turned back, I would still be who I was, and not who I am today.

By the grace of God, and despite my parental shortcomings, my children have blossomed and matured into responsible adults, and I am immensely grateful that they are not repeating the patterns or mistakes I made in their own parenting efforts. It also makes me happy to see them live out some of the dreams I once dreamed for myself.

Mostly I am grateful to a loving God who not only allowed me to witness my own children grow up, but allowed me to see two of my six grandchildren grow up as well. And lest you are now wondering what this all has to do with seven blessings, six of them are my wonderful grandchildren who are the joy of my life. And the seventh, is my little great-grandson who has elevated me to the status of great-granny.

Since I haven't been able to decide whether I'm more blessed to be a grandma or a great-granny, I have decided to blog myself as Great-Granny Grandma. That covers it all!

3 comments:

averagejane said...

I am in the same phase of life you were in so many years ago and take comfort from your words. I have one blessing at the moment and I cherish it.
Posted by averagejane on 4/06/2007 6:44 AM EDT

jblieu said...

 I was going to leave you a serious comment like thanks for raising us and not pushing us off the terrace and pretending to the police that we were kidnapped. But I got side tracked by Alexandra's comment about your guidance alongside her avatar of the winking leg flashing nun. PS sorry for giving you the Chicken Pox.
Posted by Jblieu on 03/22/2007 2:44 PM EDT

alexandrathegreat said...

Welcome to the world of blogging, Grandma! We're happy to have you join us. I really enjoyed reading this little bit. I've often wondered what you felt as a single mom, as strange as that may seem. Perhaps one day we can carry this subject in personal conversation as I would love to hear more. I love you very much. I think you're a splendid grandmother and where you feel you may have fallen short in the spiritual guidance of your own children you have certainly provided for your grandchildren. While we may not always overtly display our appreciation, we are grateful for your wisdom and guidance.
Posted by Alexandra the Great on 03/22/2007 10:29 AM EDT